Mrs RA in Her own words
Thank you for the wonderful resource.
Just one little piece to add.
My husband can, for an unknown reason, still try and be in control sometimes and the last major time was when I decided to get him to buy myself a new car a few years ago. He got quite animated about it until I shut him up.
He apologise later but I told him there would be a lesson about it.
I bought myself a nice new car. And I also bought a little toy car of the same model for him.
When I got home in my new car he showed all the normal boyish interest in it, and then I gave him his toy car.
I told him it was to remind him of his behaviour and that he was to keep the toy car with him always to remind him of his behaviour and worse and I would be checking up he had it with him regularly.
Now he carries this little car with him at all times, because he knows he will be trouble if he doesn't.
Very often when we go out, at places like a restaurant just before we go through the door, I ask him to show me his toy car.
If ever he starts to act up I ask to see his car.
All I need to say is "show me the car" and he is right back to good behaviour.
Sometimes I just check up that he has it with him, but I can't stress enough how powerful it is in calming him down.
It is so funny if he forgets it, as we are just about to go out. He will stop and run back to the house to get his car in panic.
I have asked him many times, using FaceTime, to show me his car when we are not together.
I have promised him a new car when next time I get a new real car and I am not sure which he is most excited about.
Anyway it doesn't have to be a car but any physical thing a husband has to carry would be just as powerful.
Thanks for the wonderful site
Just one little piece to add.
My husband can, for an unknown reason, still try and be in control sometimes and the last major time was when I decided to get him to buy myself a new car a few years ago. He got quite animated about it until I shut him up.
He apologise later but I told him there would be a lesson about it.
I bought myself a nice new car. And I also bought a little toy car of the same model for him.
When I got home in my new car he showed all the normal boyish interest in it, and then I gave him his toy car.
I told him it was to remind him of his behaviour and that he was to keep the toy car with him always to remind him of his behaviour and worse and I would be checking up he had it with him regularly.
Now he carries this little car with him at all times, because he knows he will be trouble if he doesn't.
Very often when we go out, at places like a restaurant just before we go through the door, I ask him to show me his toy car.
If ever he starts to act up I ask to see his car.
All I need to say is "show me the car" and he is right back to good behaviour.
Sometimes I just check up that he has it with him, but I can't stress enough how powerful it is in calming him down.
It is so funny if he forgets it, as we are just about to go out. He will stop and run back to the house to get his car in panic.
I have asked him many times, using FaceTime, to show me his car when we are not together.
I have promised him a new car when next time I get a new real car and I am not sure which he is most excited about.
Anyway it doesn't have to be a car but any physical thing a husband has to carry would be just as powerful.
Thanks for the wonderful site